Breathing is the hardest thing...

Yesterday, Quinn was extubated (meaning they took her breathing tube out) and replaced it with a system that still hooked up to a ventilator in case she needed extra support, but went through her nose, and expected her to breath mainly on her own. I had my reservations about her being extubated, because her breathing had been a little funky for a couple of days, and because I did not want her to have to be re-intubated if things did not work out.

Well, things did not work out.

My poor baby was extubated, and then re-intubated within seven hours. She was angry and struggling for those seven hours. It was awful. Not so much that "progress" wasn't made, but that she was basically being tortured.

She is already hooked up to all machines and alarms. She is already poked and prodded by all these different people all day. She is already tiny and out of the womb too early. And I cope with seeing and knowing all these things everyday. But to see her have to endure extra pain and intrusion to her little body was too much for me.

I hated every minute that she was angry and bugged. She had a tube pulled out of her throat, prongs shoved down her nose, then struggled to oxygenate for several hours, only to have another tube shoved down her throat, and the prongs pulled out of her nose. It was too much for mama, and way too much for the poor babe. She was so tired by the end of the day.

The good news is she ventilated (breathed) pretty well on her own, but she required too high of oxygenation during that time to be able to stay extubated. The will try again in about a week. That gives her a week to practice this whole breathing cycle and to grow bigger and stronger. She was doing much better today, and seemed like a happy and comfortable baby.

Also we did get to hear her tiny cry while she had her tube out. It was as sweet and wonderful as you can imagine.

Here is Quinn trying to be helpful with her extubation....such a nice baby!