Quinner, Quinner, Chicken Dinner

Quinn seems to be feeling better! Hip hip hooray! They were able to start weaning one of the medications they put her on after her crash, and start her back on feedings of breast milk. They also took her off her potassium drip, so there is now more room in her i.v. for nutrition. She is slowly getting back to where she was a week ago. Here is to lots more stable days, and lots more growing for Miss Quinn! It makes me feel so happy that my baby is starting to feel better. Sick kiddos are no fun.

Here is a cute photo of Piper relaxing on the couch. She was wagging her tail like crazy, because she knows the sound of the camera turning on....boy, is she trained!


It shows off her big belly. We have one baby who is too small, and one who is too large! The vet has put Piper on a more strict diet with monthly weigh in's due to some problems she is having with her leg. Poor Piper has some arthritis in one of her back legs, and of course, it flared up right after we had Quinn, because we don't have enough to do. Luckily, she is doing a lot better already! Piper is such a crazy dog!

Family photo

Here is our first family photo! You can barely see Quinn, but hopefully it gives some perspective of her tiny size.



Quinn is still stable, but her infection has been a big setback. They are pretty sure it is pneumonia, but still waiting for some tests to come back to rule out some other things. You can tell that she is still not feeling well, and did not tolerate being touched very well today. They are still trying to get things like her oxygen levels and her blood pressure regulated, and she has not started back on the feedings yet. However, she is pooping like a champ, so it seems that her little belly and bowel system have become more mature. Dalan changed a very poopy diaper today....lucky guy!

Keep sending those positive thoughts and vibes her way! We appreciate all your kind messages! Quinn is so lucky to have so many loving and caring people in her life!

Our little thumb sucker

Quinn is much more stable today. They still do not know what is the cause of her crash yesterday, except that she has some sort of infection. They are running tests, and more tests to try to figure out the root of all of this. The good news is she has been stable for over 24 hours, so keep sending your positive thoughts our way that Quinn continues to do well.

Quinnlet (as our favorite neonatologist calls her) started sucking her thumb today. It was pretty much the cutest thing ever! She has always had her hands up by her face since she was in my belly, and for the last week she has been really close to getting her hand/thumb into her mouth. Today she managed to get her thumb in mouth, and started sucking away. Usually I don't like thumb sucking, but in Quinn's case I'll make an exception. She needs something to soothe her in her little isolette, since her mommy and daddy can't be there to snuggle with her, and give her kisses. The nurse helped us accessorize Quinn and got a cute photo. The nurse also did an inking of her foot prints of us. Her actual foot prints are smaller than they scanned into the computer, so I put them up to some ordinary items...a quarter and a large paperclip... to make them more to scale.

Deep Breaths

This morning, I got the call I have lived in fear of for the last two weeks. It was Quinn's nurse practitioner, and she was calling to tell Dalan and I to come to the NICU, because Quinn was not doing well, and make not make it.

Let me back up a little.....

Quinn has been stable for the last week. Every time we visited our baby, we got reports of how well she doing, and how stable she has been. Dalan and I did not go to rounds for the last two days, because we had conflicting appointments, but also because all we were being told is that they were just "fine tuning" her numbers, and she was doing well. We decided we would go to rounds every couple of days, rather than everyday. I think I started to forget how vulnerable and fragile our tiny baby is. I would worry about her growing or not pooping enough, but I had kind of stopped worrying about her survival. I knew she was still at risk, but she was doing so well, it just was no longer my top worry.

This morning, I had an appointment with my midwife to follow up on my blood pressure. Dalan and I planned on going to the appointment, grabbing some lunch, and then visiting with Miss Quinn. We got a call around 10:30 from the nurse practitioner stating that Quinn had a rough morning, and had an infection. She had some problems breathing, but was stable. They wanted to run a bunch of tests, and needed our permission. I gave consent, and they told me they would run the tests this morning, so she would be ready for our afternoon visit. I was worried, but not overly so, I trust the NICU team, and it seemed like they had things under control.

As Dalan and I were driving to my appointment we got THE CALL. The call that made my heart stop, and my brain scramble. Our baby was not doing well, and her life was in danger. The drive to the hospital went in slow motion. We were met in the waiting area of the NICU by a social worker, and another nurse practitioner. They prepared us for the fact a lot of people were working on Quinn, and it was a scary/not so nice scene.

We walked into Quinn's cubbie, and my favorite neonatologist was working on Quinn. I automatically felt a little better. I love this doctor. They had her bagged, and we manually breathing for her. Her blood pressure was super low, and her skin was gray. Quinn always looks a little like E.T. to me (I adore E.T.), but now she looked like E.T. at the end of the movie, when he was dying. It was horrible, terrifying, and so sad. My baby looked so sick, and my heart just hurt.

Her breathing got better, and they were able to switch her back to a ventilator pretty quickly after we arrived. Next, they tackled her blood pressure. They gave her some dopamine, and that quickly got her pressure up, but too far up. It took some time, but her blood pressure eventually regulated. Her color also started to turn from gray back to pink.

Next, they did an ultrasound on her heart. Quinn was not pleased they were still messing with her. She kept one of her little eyes open the whole time. After they were done, she finally closed her eye, and relaxed a little. She got upset again when they took her temperature, and changed her diaper, but eventually she stabilized. Her color looked better, and her numbers were stable. Finally, I could breath again. Dalan and I went to reschedule the appointment I had missed, and got some lunch.

We returned to the NICU, and Quinn was still stable. They don't know what the source of the infection is, just that it is in her lungs. It could be pneumonia or it could be an infection she has had since birth. She was on antibiotics up until 36 hours ago, so they could have been suppressing this infection and now it is rearing its ugly head. And it is ugly. I am going back to the NICU this evening, so maybe they will have some answers, but they might not. She is on antibiotics, and a slew of other medications. Hopefully, they can quickly get to the root of the problem, treat it properly, and we can move onto better days.

Please keep Quinn in your thoughts.

Edited to add: I just got back from visiting the Mighty Quinn. She is still stable, and hopefully will remain that way! ***FINGERS CROSSED*** Her heart ultrasound came back normal. Hopefully, the antibiotics will kill whatever is the cause of this nastiness! And while not the best pictures, due to the positions of her tubes in the isolette, but here is Quinn, sleeping peacefully after her rough day...

glitter toes

Ali came over last night and we gave each other mini-pedicures. We both have had friends on facebook get and post pictures of their glitter toes, which is some sort of acrylic pedicure mixed with glitter that lasts for weeks. It is fabulous and sparkly.

Ali did a quick google search of DIY glitter toes, bought the supplies, and we got together and made our toes sparkle. Well, no guarantee of how long our toes will stay glittery, but it was fun and they look great. I don't have a picture of Ali's toes, but here are mine, plus it was a good excuse to take picture of my non-swollen feet. However, they don't look quit as slim in the pictures as they do in real life...the camera adds ten pounds, right? Plus, I warned you I have wide feet...imagine what they looked like all swollen.....shudder...it was not a pretty picture.

Also, excuse the mess in the background, I clearly need to do some straightening. I wish I could blame the messiness on my c-section, but this is pretty typical for the Carsellers! Hell, I am going to blame the c-section, it is going to be my scape goat for as many things as possible for the next couple of weeks.

Q-Tip's day in pictures

This is how Quinn was sleeping all morning:



Quinn with her eyes open (click on the picture to make it bigger):



Quinn with her first binkie...they fed her through her feeding tube, but then gave her the binkie to help her associate food and sucking....this is the smallest binkie they have, it was huge, but she sucked on it:

Some firsts....

Today was a day of a few firsts:

1. I drove for the FIRST time in two and half weeks. It was so nice to be independent again.

2. Quinn and I had our FIRST alone time. Just the two of us...no nurses, no interruptions....just mama and baby. Of course, she was in her isolette, and I was in chair staring at her, but it was nice and peaceful. I loved it.

3. Dalan and I fed Quinn for the FIRST time. This involves holding the syringe, while a tiny amount of breast milk drips into her feeding tube, and into her belly. It was kind of like holding a bottle for our baby. Loved it.

4. My feet and ankles look normal for the FIRST time in five weeks. I noticed in shower that I was not swollen at all....my feet look so slim, and I have wide feet. Ha, ha, ha!

5. Quinn seems to be tolerating her feeds for the FIRST time, and she has had three smears of poop on her own for the FIRST time. (Hopefully, all the poop talk will stop soon, but right now, pooping is so important for Quinn's progress, that it has to be mentioned.)

And, here is a picture of our little one today....


Quinn has grown 3/4's of an inch since she was born. Her weight has gone up and down (as Ali said, such a typical girl), but should hopefully start to regulate and increase after she is two weeks old.

Quinners and the Pipes!

Quinn had another good day today! We learned in morning rounds (when all her doctors and nurses discuss Quinn's progress and goals for the day) that both the ultrasound of her heart and her brain came back normal! Hooray! This does not mean that things can't still come up, or that she will have normal scans in the future, but it is good news that everything is looking good now! Her biggest barrier is her size, and along with that, she needs to start producing poop on her own. We need everyone to send Quinn some good vibes so she can start packing on the grams (and start pooping!)

She has gotten increasingly feisty. The doctors and nurses joke that she has no idea that she is so small (sounds just like Piper.... little body, big attitude!) Tonight when Dalan was taking her temperature, she fought him putting her arm down as hard as she could. He said he was flapping her little arm like a chicken wing! And after I changed her diaper, she managed to wiggle half her body off her snugglette. She has a lot of personality and a strong will! I love it!

They had to put an IV in head. Poor baby, but there was a good vein there, and her veins are limited. Tonight, the nurse had me pick out a bow, and we taped it to her IV. A girl needs accessories after all.


On a side note, Dalan and I bought Piper a bone today. A little compensation for her new, crazy schedule, and absentee parents. She chewed it all afternoon, and then finally passed out on her bed. We are pretty sure she is bone-drunk. Look, her pillow is not even really in the bed.

A "touching" story

Dalan and I have started to doing "cares" with Quinn. This means we get to help take her temperature, change her tiny diaper, help keep her mouth moistened, and other tasks in helping with Quinn's care. We also got use firm touch to help calm Quinn down yesterday after they had done some procedures on her.

I have now changed two diapers and have loved every minute of it. I am sure I will get to the point where I never want to see another diaper, but right now, I love any opportunity I get to touch my baby!

Quinn is starting to get more feedings of breast milk, but her muscles are too under developed to push poop out, so she is getting enemas to keep her from getting belly aches.

She has a couple of nicknames all ready as well: Quinners, Q-tip, Quinnie the Pooh, and the Mighty Quinn.

Dalan using touch to calm Quinn down.

Me, taking Quinn's temp. We touch her with our bare hands, the nurses use gloves.

Me, changing my first Quinn diaper!

Our tiny baby turned one week old today!

Sweet Baby Quinn

Beautiful baby

The NICU has volunteers and nurses take pictures of the baby, and then every so often, they put the pictures on CD for the parents to take home. Here is one of the pictures from the CD. You get to see her beautiful face, plus she looks adorable with the bow in her hair.

P.S. Little Miss Quinn can now open both of her eyes!

Ups and downs plus pictures of the baby

Quinn continues to have good days, and not so good days, and therefore, Dalan and I continue to have good and not so good days.

Yesterday was a good day. She was stable. She opened one her eyes. I got to take her temperature. They started her on breast milk.

Today was a rough day. She has a belly ache. A belly ache in a preemie can be really serious, and even life threatening. However, it is more likely just from the starting feedings yesterday and some air in her belly. Add that to all the other things that can come up in preemies, let alone a super small preemie, and today was a little stressful. I also felt so bad that her belly was so sore. Poor baby.

Here are some pictures from the last two days. I finally got a good picture of her beautiful face.We tried to get some perspective pictures, but we failed. Just as some points of reference, her head is bigger than a golf ball, but smaller than a baseball. Her hands are about the size of dimes. She is longer than a dollar bill, but in the picture she appears to be smaller than one. I also included a picture of one of her diapers, which are too big for her, next to a pen to show how small she is.

Quinn's Birth Story

The morning of May 14, 2010 started like all the other mornings while on bed rest in the hospital. I woke up before 6:00 am and met with a gaggle of doctors, nurses, aides, food service workers, etc.

Around 8:30 am, I was taken downstairs to get my daily ultrasound to measure/monitor the blood flow into the umbilical cord. I was disappointed that they were doing it so early in the morning, because that meant Dalan was not at the hospital yet, and I had to get the results on my own. There are roughly 4 levels of blood flow into the cord- normal, stressed, absent, and reversed. I had gone from stressed on Monday and Tuesday to stressed/absent flow on Wednesday and Thursday. The first results on Friday morning showed it was still stressed/absent, then one additional look by the ultrasound tech showed some reversal. My heart stopped, and I could not even think straight. I knew any reversal of flow meant I had to deliver the baby that day. They had a doctor come in and check the results. The ultrasound clearly showed reversal of flow at this point. The doctor, then told me, she was going to call my doctor and see what the plan was going to be. I was put in a wheel chair, and left in the hall to wait for an aide to come take me back to my room. I had left my phone in my room, so I sat in the hall, stranded unable to get a hold of Dalan, and let him know we were probably having the baby that day, 15 weeks early.

I made it back to my room, called Dalan and my mom to let them know that they had seen reversal of flow. Suddenly, the resident came in, and told me that I was going down to Labor and Delivery right then, and to call Dalan back, and have him meet me down there instead. I was taken to Labor and Delivery, and Dalan made it shortly after I was put into a room. I was put on a bunch of monitors, and given magnesium to keep me from seizing during labor due to my high blood pressure, and also to help the baby. Everyone warned me that the magnesium was going to be horrible, and it was. It made me hot, and thirsty, but I was too nervous/anxious to really focus on my physical symptoms. They told us that the would start the delivery at noon, but moved it up to 11:20 am. Being wheeled to the operating room to have the baby was the scariest moments of my life. Knowing that the baby was going to be early, and under stress.

We got into the operating room, and they gave me the spinal block/epidural. The weirdest part was when the anesthesiologist warned me I was going to feel a jolt of electricity in my hip or knee, and then three seconds later I felt like I had been shocked. It took me a while to get numb, and I was so nervous they were going to start the procedure before I was fully numb, but they did not. The worse part of the c section was about 10 minutes into it, and I ended up throwing a little temper tantrum. I guess it took that long for the my chest to get numb, and all of a sudden I felt like I could not breathe, and my mouth went so dry. I was convinced I was dying, because I could not breathe. The anesthesiologist kept trying to convince me that I was ok and breathing just fine, but I could not be convinced otherwise. I finally told him, in my best teacher's voice that he was "not listening to me, and when I died it was, because I could not breathe." I eventually just stopped fighting him, and went on with the driest throat I ever I have experienced, but breathing just fine.

Quinn was delivered at 12:05 pm, they held her up for about 5 seconds to show Dalan, but she was so tiny and she was whisked away before he could even really see her. She weighed 440 grams, which is a little less than a full pound. She was passed to a team of doctors in the NICU through a window, and they finished up my c-section.

I was taken back to labor and delivery and finally given some ice chips. I was kept in the room for over two hours opposed to the normal hour, because I was on magnesium. Dalan stayed with me the whole time. Eventually, they came and got Dalan and let him see Quinn. He took pictures of her on his iphone since we had forgotten to bring our camera down during all the rush of the morning. I was so happy when Dalan got to see her. I was dying that our baby had been in this world for almost three hours, and neither of us had seen her.

Eventually, I was taken back up to our room, and got to visit with our families who had been waiting for hours to see me. I was still on magnesium for the next 24 hours, and it made me feel sick, and loopy. I was so not in the place to be able to visit with people, plus I just wanted to see my baby. The meanest/cruelest thing in the world is to have a woman deliver a baby, and then put her on a horrible medicine, and not allow her to see her baby. Dalan had luckily talked to the lactation specialist while visiting Quinn, and we were able to get a breast pump in our room, so I did get to start pumping right away.

The shift changes at 7:00 pm, and before the day nurse left, she told me that she was going to tell the night shift that I was doing well enough to go see the baby in the evening. The evening came, and dragged on and on. I was still not feeling well from the magnesium, but nothing was going to stop my from seeing my baby that night. Around 9:00 pm, the nurse came in to do some "tests" to see if I could tolerate the wheelchair ride down to the NICU. The aide was late getting to my room, and they had forgotten half of the things they needed for me to be ready to show them I could go downstairs. I passed there tests by not passing out, and being able to walk to the bathroom, amongst other things. Finally, at 11:00 pm I was allowed to go see Quinn.

Dalan and the aide wheeled me downstairs along with my IV stand. I had to stand up again when we got to the NICU to wash my hands. It was tough, but all I wanted in the whole world was to see the baby. We made it back to her quad, and she was beautiful, and so tiny and fragile. It was so emotional. I just cried, and marveled at the little tiny baby that was ours in her isolette. She was wrapped up in plastic wrap, and was so small. It was such a special and overwhelming moment. I wish I could better describe everything I thought and felt when I saw her for the first time.

Then, I started feeling sick. They called the aide to come get us, but soon it was clear I was not going to make it long enough for the aide to get back to the NICU. I made Dalan wheel me out of the area with the babies as quickly as he could push me, and pull the IV stand along. I made it out of the area with the babies as the nurse handed me a jar to throw up in. I was mortified. I made Dalan keep pushing me out of there as quickly as he could. We made it out of the NICU, down a long hall, out of labor and delivery, and all the way to the elevator. Me holding my jar of puke, and Dalan both pushing the wheel chair, and dragging the IV along behind us. At the elevator, a random aide spotted us, and helped us the rest of the way up to our room.

Dalan woke up in the middle of the night, and went to check on Quinn for us. He learned all about her machines, and was able to update me on her. I continued to pump every three hours to help ensure my milk came in. The next morning, I woke up feeling sore, but more loopy and sick from the magnesium. They finally took me off the magnesium around 1:00 pm, and I finally got to go see my baby again, this time without feeling sick, but still feeling overwhelmed with emotion.

And, that is the story of Quinn's birth.

Introducing....

Quinn Ava Sellers
born: May 14, 2010
time: 12:05 pm
weight: 1 lb
length: 10 inches
15 weeks early

Day 1: Wrapped up to stay warm

Day 2: She is so tiny

Day 4: sleeping

Day 4: Under her lights, with her shades on!

The story of Quinn's arrival coming soon.....

Sleepovers

What kind of kid were you at sleepovers growing up? I think everyone fits into one of three general categories.

Type 1: Normal kid. You could hang until it was pretty late, and then you would get tired and go to sleep. You could then walk up at a decent hour, and be ready for the day. The slumber party was made for you.

Type 2: Sleepy McSleeperson. You fell asleep way too early, making for an uncomfortable evening for your guest/host. You also woke up way too early, and you were ready to go for the day, making for an uncomfortable morning for yourself and/or your host/guest. You are the early to bed, early to rise people.

Type 3: Awakey McAwakerson. You were always the last one ready for bed, and the last one to sleep, even if this meant hours of just lying there awake while everyone else was asleep. Mornings always came too quickly, and you would have rather been still asleep, rather than eating cereal and watching cartoons. If you even woke up on time with the rest of the household, you often found yourself awake hours after your host/guest, making for an uncomfortable morning. You are the type of people, who eventually fit right in on a college campus.

I was totally type 3, and still am to a point. I have always had a natural bio-rhythm that makes me a night owl, but there is something about not being in my own bed that really triggers it. Sometimes, it takes me a really long time to get comfortable, and if I am sharing a bed with someone, or if they are close enough to hear me moving, I get paranoid about all my movement, and cannot get comfortable and cannot sleep. Also, if I think about it, I will get the urgency to pee, and the more I think about it, the more I have to go, and the more I feel like I can't get up again, or the more I have to go, and so on. I would always sit there at sleep overs trying to decide, if I had left enough times between my bathroom breaks. Camping triggers my need to pee even more, especially if it is cold, if the bathroom is far, or if there is no bathroom at all.

Last night in the hospital, I totally had flashbacks to the days of slumber parties. I wanted to go to sleep. I needed to go to sleep! It was about 11:30 pm, and I knew that people would be in my room throughout the night, and that the mornings at the hospital were up and running by 6:00 am, but I could not sleep. I listened to two relaxation tracks, and nothing. I just laid there, willing myself to sleep. And while I did not have to worry about moving in my bed too much, or if anyone was counting how many times I had to pee, I totally felt like an eight year old at a sleepover with a friend who was going to be up at dawn, and I was not going to get enough sleep. Finally, I read. I got sleepy enough to fall asleep around quarter to two, but of course, someone was in my room at quarter to three to check on the baby and me. I did eventually fall back asleep, until 6:00 am for more checks, then my morning meds, and then a quick meeting with the resident. No more sleep for Jessi.

Hospitalized....again

I had my follow up appointment today with the doctor. It went ok. It could have gone a lot better, but it could have gone a lot worse. I was readmitted to the hospital and will stay here, until the baby is born. I would have preferred to go home, of course, but I am also grateful that the baby did not have to be delivered today. Every day and every week that goes by is just more time she has to grow!

The baby still looks good, and they are not concerned that there is anything wrong with her.
That being said, the placenta is not looking good, and is limping along, but it really appears to be a matter of time before it is not functioning well enough to take care of the baby on the inside. When that happens, the baby will have to come. And that might be weeks upon weeks early, and that is terrifying, but the reality of the situation.

They also still concerned with the effects the placenta is having/could have on my blood pressure. Right now, that is under control, but if I end up getting really sick, the baby will have to come.

I am in the hospital, so they can closely monitor the baby and me. Hopefully, we will both stay healthy for weeks and weeks. I have never wanted to be in bed in the hospital so badly in my life. Right now, I have all I need, and both Dalan and I are in good places. We were well aware that this was a possibility, and we were prepared...mentally, emotionally, physically, etc, for this. We love you all, and will keep you all updated the best we can.

Bed Rest

I am on bed rest again....until the baby comes.
Hopefully, this bed rest lasts for weeks and weeks, but it might not.
The doctors think my placenta is not functioning properly, and it will be only a matter of time before we have the baby.
The poor functioning placenta is likely what caused the spike in my blood pressure, not the other way around.
I am only 24 weeks along, so we are well aware that this is really early to be talking about having the baby, but it just might happen that way.
I received steroid shots to help the baby's lungs develop, and have an appointment on Monday to follow up on the baby's growth, my blood pressure, and some test results.
This sucks and it is scary, but we are doing our best to hang in there.

Remembering Barkely

My family's dog, Barkley, passed away at the age of 16 years old. She had been a member of our family for a long time, and it has been very sad to have her go. We love you, Barkley!