Great Articles

This week two different articles were posted from the Huffington Post on Facebook by two different friends on two different topics, but both articles were very powerful and written by two moms.

The first article,

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/amy-morrison/motherhood_b_2271349.html

discusses what is like to be a mom in 2012, including the pressure to be a well trained mommy machine. There is a feeling that if you are not constantly overachieving, you are failing your children. And the pressure that people will know you are failing based on your Facebook, blog, Instagram, twitter, etc posts. After reposted this article, it was shared and commented on by so many of my friends, that it was instantly clear that my peers are all feeling pressure to not only raise great kids, but make sure we bedazzle everything along the way, and that is hard.

I am guilty of this all the time. In fact, I complained to Dalan during our March of Dimes fundraiser that we had to be a top ten team again or Quinn wouldn't know that we loved her. I was only half kidding. Dalan had to remind me of the real reason we do the fundraiser, and it has nothing to do with being the best at collecting money. This year I also set out to do a chocolate advent calendar, an activity advent calendar, and have Raul visit us everyday. Not to be overachieving, but because I love Christmas and it sounded fun to do all that stuff. First of all, it was hard to get to get to each day, and secondly, Quinn truly only cares about her "chocolate chart". Raul has decided to retire to the tree for the rest of the season, and we are still doing fun activities, but at a slower, whatever is most convenient pace. I have been reminded that kids don't need a lot of activities, they just need one or two that they like.


The second article,

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/12/16/i-am-adam-lanzas-mother-mental-illness-conversation_n_2311009.html

discusses the need for services and support for children and their families suffering from mental illness in the wake of the school shooting in Conn. on Friday. This article is written by a mother who is struggling with a mentally ill teenage son who is becoming increasingly combative, and her only choice to get him help is basically to criminalize him. I read a lot yesterday on Facebook about gun control, and needing more security in schools, and admittedly got sucked into a silly argument with someone I didn't even know. But when people want to know where to start, here is a starting point, spending money to support kids with mental health issues and their families before they ever get to the point of hurting themselves or others. I have worked both in public mental health and in the public school services, and in my opinion, this article is right on, and it is a starting point. Maybe we can't take all the guns away, and maybe we can't make the schools safe, but we can help the people who need it- the kids, and their families. And ultimately, take away the desire for the kids to want guns, or to hurt other people.

Christmas (from a religious view point) is about remembering a mother and her miraculous birth one night in a stable. Maybe, we can use the Christmas season to support the mothers in our lives, because everyone is struggling with something,

Giving Thanks

This year I decided to come up with one word to summarize my thankfulness. 

Perspective.  

I am thankful that most of the time I can keep things in perspective, and I try to gain a positive perspective on all the things life tries to throw at me. 

I am thankful for enough perspective to realize that most of my problems are first world problems.  I have too much to eat.  I have too many things to buy.  My house is too cluttered.  I don't know if we can afford another trip to Disneyland in the spring. 

I am thankful for the perspective that Quinn's NICU stay gave me.  A healthy child is not guaranteed, and should be valued. Modern medicine is amazing.  People are generous, and wonderful.  Nurses are incredible.  Things can go bad in a second, so enjoy the moment.  And even if things go bad, I can probably handle it, and come out a stronger person. 

I am thankful the perspective that my job at a Title I school has given me.  The kids in my class have experienced hunger, homelessness, rape, and death.  And I am not just talking about the refugee students, this includes my American born students.  Yet, these children are full of joy and silliness, even when they are have been through some really terrible things.  All children deserve an equal chance to learn, play, and be successful. 

I am thankful for people in my life that help me keep things in perspective when I need a little reminding.  I love that I have family and friends, who share their experiences with me, and let me share mine, and in turn help keep me sane and pretty level headed. 

I am thankful for the perspective that Quinn will only be this little for so long, and therefore, I really try to enjoy every second of every day with her.  Even when it involves temper tantrums, or a refusal to go to sleep at night.  I really love that crazy and wild 2 and half year old, and I feel so lucky to be her mom. 

Happy Thanksgiving!

A Nerve

Last night on election night, I read several Facebook posts that accused Obama supporters of being lazy and perpetually on welfare/unemployment. There were also several negative comments about the "type" of people who accept government assistance.

This hit a nerve with me. Big time. I am one of "those" people. Quinn's extreme prematurity and extremely low birth weight classified her as having a disability. She qualified for social security benefits and Medicaid benefits due to her "disability" for about the first year of her life.

And these government run programs saved our family financially, and gave us one less thing to worry about during the toughest time in our lives.

We weren't looking for a hand out, and we weren't even otherwise uninsured, but Quinn racked up over a million dollars in medical bills in less than 5 months, and I will be forever thankful for the assistance that our wonderful government was able to give my child when we needed it.

We are not lazy, or uneducated, or looking for the next handout. We are just your average Americans that had something really bad and scary happen to us, and were so lucky that we have a government that had a program in place to assist us. And we are not alone.

However, most people would never guess that we have needed government assistance, and because of this, aren't very careful with their choice of words. And it is hurtful.

By the way, I saw these posts from distant "friends" or from posts that friends commented on. This is not directed at anyone in particular and especially, not at anyone who reads my blog. This was more of a venting session just to get it off my chest.

Urban Farming

So, urban farming.....I want to do it. I understand that living in a condo limits this to a point, but I am reading a book about a woman who lived in Oakland, and turned an empty lot next to her house into a garden, and raised bees, chickens, turkeys, ducks, and rabbits for eggs and/or food in a shared/rented house. And she does some amazing things. We even have an abandoned lot not too far from here, although it would require me climbing a fence. And to trespass, and I am really not a rule breaker.

Anyway,

I know urban farming is so trendy right now, but I don't care. I really like the idea of being more responsible for my food. I also like the idea of Quinn knowing where her food comes from. Also if you look back at American history, it is the norm that people, even in cities, grow gardens/raise rabbits during times of war or economic hardship. I worry about not being self-reliant if there was a food shortage or if the economy gets worse before it gets better. On the other hand, I do worry that I may be romanticizing the whole farm thing a little bit. But seriously my long term dream would be to live on a working farm that was self-reliant.

I think we could start with a little veggie garden in the back, and work our way up to rabbits. I don't think we could get away with poultry until we own a house, but rabbits I think we could get away with. I assured Dalan I would be responsible for the care and the slaughtering of said rabbits. He doesn't think I could do it- the slaughtering, not the care. I really think I could.

So, some questions.....

* Do you grow any of your own food?
* How dependent are you on it?
* Do you think I have it in me to kill poultry/rabbits for meat?
* Do you think you could do it?
* Do you think it is important for your kids to learn about where food comes from?

Small Babies

A girl I know from Jr. High (she is my friend on facebook) has spent the day freaking out and posting statuses about her "small" baby. She took him to his well baby check, and he is only in the 12th percentile for weight. Gasp! I am guessing he is perfectly healthy however, because she has not mentioned anything but his weight in all her status updates. She has been posting all day about needing to fatten him up, and how is so much smaller than his siblings were at the same age, as well as posting pictures of her "skinny" baby.

What is wrong with a 12th percentile baby? And when did it become such a competition to have the biggest, fattest babies? Isn't the 12th percentile the same as having a baby in the 88th percentile? Both are still normal, but 32% (give or take) away from average. Bigger doesn't mean better when it comes to weight and length in babies. Some babies are hefty, some are average, and some are petite.

Don't get me wrong a big, chunky baby is adorable, but so is a tiny one, and so is a completely average one. I think the goal is a healthy baby, not a big one, right? No one asks when their baby is born, Is she/he chubby? But is soon becomes an obsession for parents, is my baby doing "well" on the growth chart.

I realize I am probably overly sensitive to this subject, but I just wish doctor's would stop telling people the percentiles. It is just a guide to see growth, but doesn't mean your baby is an overachiever if their weight is in the 90th percentile. It is far more important to meet developmental milestones on time, but even then, there is a huge range of what is normal.

Why are we already making life a competition for our babies? And then judging our own worth as mothers (and fathers) on things like weight and height? I doubt our parents did it to this same extent, and I doubt even more our grandparents did it.

So, let's all try to relax, and let our babies grow up to be healthy and strong in their own way.

A blog with two possible titles

Title 1: Ticket and Tears

I got pulled over today and received a ticket for speeding. This upset me terribly, like I was bawling my eyes out. Not so much that I got a ticket, because I was speeding, but how the cop was so unsympathetic. I took a new way from the hospital today, so I could stop and get Dalan and me some food on the way home (we had gone to the hospital in different cars.) I pulled onto a street and followed the truck in front of me for about six blocks, and then got pulled over. I had no idea what the speed limit was on that road, but figured I was speeding when I got pulled over. I apologized and explained to the officer that I was unfamiliar with the road and was just going with the flow of traffic. He told me that the truck in front of me was speeding as well, but that I was going slightly faster so I got the ticket. I also tried to explain that I had just come from the hospital and was having a rough time in general. He dismissed this, took my license, and wrote me up a ticket. I got very upset, and was crying. He ignored my tears (and these were real tears...I am sure he has seen his share of crocodile tears, but this was red in the face, I am truly upset tears) and explained my ticket. He never once asked if I was ok or if I was ok to drive. Grrrrr! I am sure he hears all kinds of excuses all the time, but I was pretty much a mess. A little sympathy and understanding would have gone along way. Makes me so mad.

Title 2: Marveling at the Mighty Quinn

On the upside of things I had a wonderful visit with Quinn and my parents last night. We had so much fun talking, laughing, and just marveling at the Mighty Quinn.

And I had a wonderful visit with VaRonica today. We both have been so busy, and it was nice to catch up. We had so much fun talking, laughing, and just marveling at the Mighty Quinn.

And I had a wonderful visit with my huz and babe today. It is always so relaxing and calming in the afternoons. We had so much fun talking, laughing, and just marveling at the Mighty Quinn.

And I get to meet up with my in laws tonight. I am sure we will have so much fun talking, laughing, and just marveling at the Mighty Quinn.

And now for some photographic evidence.....

Observations from the Jazz game.

I got Dalan tickets for the Jazz- Laker's game for our one year anniversary, since the traditional gift is paper, and tickets are made out of paper. We had a ton of fun, but I did make some observations.

1. The Jazz's old school green and yellow uniforms, which they were wearing, are much more attractive and manly than their current baby blue, dark blue, and purple uniforms. I hate their new uniforms.

2. I am glad our free blankets are throw back green and yellow, and not baby blue, dark blue, and purple. Plus, Dalan wore his old school Jazz shirt, so it was all matchy matchy.

3. It is hot inside the arena. You would think wearing a sweater and your new cute boots would be a good idea, after all, it is winter. However, you would be wrong, and you will be so hot. You will strongly consider taking off your sweater, and wearing your blue tank top for the remainder of the game.

4. Kobe Bryant will have a horrible night, and you will think, serves you right, you are a (alleged) rapist after all.

5. You will be excited to see Lamar Odom. You have not seen his giant body since the Keeping Up with the Kardashian's wedding special, and you missed the big lug. ha, ha, ha! I do love some E reality T.V.

6. I am old. Only two people on the Jazz team are older than me. Most are far younger, including one guy who is like 2 months older than Ali. I cannot believe that Carlos Boozer is younger than me.

7. I hate Carlos Boozer. I hate the way he looks and the way he plays. However, in the first quarter last night he played like a champ. I hated him a little less. It still makes me giggle that Prince turned his house into a purple nightmare while he was renting it.

8. I really wish I could do commentary for the Jazz. I have practiced for years. I think I could be really good at it.

9. Call me a basketball purist, but I hate all the traveling. The guys showboat with their dribbling and drives to the basket, and it it should be traveling, but yet, it is never called. Spoiled basketball players.

10. When you leave the game, and walk back to the Gateway to get dinner, you will be happy you wore your sweater, boots, and coat. This is why I hate winter. Well, one of a hundred reasons I hate winter.

Meatless Mondays

I love Dalan. I love him for a wide variety of reasons, including his sexy beard. However, today he earned my love, respect, and admiration once again, by supporting me and all my causes. I told him on Saturday night that I would like to have one day a week of meat-free meals, and tonight he made a meatless dinner without any reminding or prompting. And he likes meat far more than I do, so I appreciate him so graciously getting on board with this idea. Plus, he made grilled cheese sandwiches and tomato soup, which is my favorite. It was perfect on a cold, winter evening.

I picked Mondays, because the alliteration of Meatless Monday sounds the best, and that is how it was presented in the article I read about all the benefits of reducing the amount of meat in our diets. Cutting meat out of your diet, even one day a week, will help cut down on the harmful effects livestock have on the environment, including greenhouse gas emissions, water pollution, and deforestation for farmland. Meat, generally, also contains more saturated fat than plant based food, and the average American consumes almost 50% more meat on a daily basis than recommended. Basically, we are adopting Meatless Mondays for the health of the planet, and for our personal health.