Unbelievably Awesome

Three years ago, I got the worst phone call of my life. 13 day old Quinn was sick. Really sick, and they didn't think she was going to live. I remember driving to the hospital in slow motion. It was surreal, and scarier than I can describe. I remember telling Dalan that if she died, that I would basically die too. It was awful. 

We got there, and Quinn instantly started to improve. Slowly, but surely. We were so lucky that day.  And it shows how strong and feisty Quinn has always been.   

Today, three years later, I took that strong-willed little girl to get her photos done. She is still feisty, and we love her so much!  

May 27, 2010 and 2013

(I'll post more photos from today later... My computer is being wonky.). 

Beach

Quinn's speech is still choppy and can be hard for the untrained ear to understand, however, in the last few weeks she has been putting together more and more words. (And we don't even officially start speech therapy until next week.)

Today, she brought out the toilet brush and told us it was a "shovel" and that she "digging sand, beach, grandma."

After yet another snow storm this morning, I had already found myself looking at pictures from our trip to the beach last summer and wishing we were there instead of here...In the snow....And the cold. Not to mention Ali and McKay are headed to Disneyland this week, and Ali has been taunting me with Southern California weather reports. I am so ready for spring and summer!

2012

We had a great year this year! It was mellow, and relaxed for the most part- just the way we like it.

Highlights:

* Alice Olivia was born in March. We were so excited to welcome our first niece/cousin.

* Ali and McKay got engaged. We are so excited for them!

* Quinn turned 2! She had an awesome Sesame Street themed party!

* Earned a ton of money for the March of Dimes, and far exceeded our fundraising goals to help other premature babies!

* The end of the 2011-12 school year! It was a rough one!

* Quinn got her g-tube removed. She worked so hard to become a decent eater. And she handled her surgery like a champ.

* Disneyland! Some of us are counting down the days until we go again.

* Trips to the zoo, the planetarium, the park, the farm, etc with friends and family.

* Holiday Fun! We love celebrating special events!

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

Happy Homecoming!

Two years ago, after a long 140 days in the NICU, Quinn came home. The days leading up to her release were incredibly stressful and sad, but her homecoming day was the happiest! She was so excited (or confused) to be home that she was awake all night long. I secretly loved every minute of it. It was so normal and exciting to get to be her full time mom.

October 1 will always be one of my favorite days, and it completes our three big Quinn days- birthday, due date, and homecoming. I guess it is time to start planning her 3rd birthday party! Ha, ha!

Retro Disney

Here I am at Disneyland in November of 1981. I am a little older than Quinn in those photos (2 yrs 5 months, opposed to 2 yrs, 2 months/23 months adjusted).

It was cold and rainy, and rain jackets and hats had to be purchased. My mom remembers it being crowded, despite the weather, and it being off season. However, the photo of the steam boat made me laugh- the place was dead compared to the crowds we saw.

And I did a couple of comparison photos of Quinn and me.

Where are all the people?

Baby Jessi, Aunt Kathleen, and Mama Patti

On King Author's Carousel

On King Author's Carousel

I used Instagram to try and make Quinn's photo look old too!

On Merry- Go-Rounds

Both of us on King Author's Carousel- one of us is a little more smiley! 

The Three B's

Last night, I was texting back and forth with VaRonica about the three B's- birth, babies, and breastfeeding-since she is due in the middle of March, which is right around the corner, people. I am going to be an aunt in less than two months!  We are really excited about a new baby around here. 

Our conversation really got me thinking about Quinn's birth, and my experiences with her and the three B's, both as a pregnant woman, and a mom.

(Disclaimer:  we weren't actually calling them the three B's last night, it is just something clever I came up with right now to give my post a theme.)

First B:  Birth

During pregnancy:  I had planned to have an unmedicated, vaginal birth.  Then, things went very badly, very quickly.  I love that the Resident that delivered me gave me the option to still deliver Quinn the way I had wanted and planned, but warned that it was unlikely that the baby would not tolerate labor, and that a c-section was the best way to go.  And even though, I never imagined in a million years that I would have c-section, I knew it was the medically sound choice.  

As a mom:  I mourned the loss of a "normal" birth and pregnancy.  I was sad that I never went into labor and got big and pregnant, but for the most part, never looked back.  I also had to mourn the loss of future pregnancy and babies, but again, it felt like the right choice. 

Second B:  Babies

During pregnancy:  I pictured myself having a big nine or ten pound baby.  I avoided buying newborn sized clothes.  I worried about being due at the same time as the school year starting, and tried to make decisions about my maternity leave.

As a mom:  I had a one pound baby, that did not even fit into preemie sized clothes.  I got to split my maternity leave into two sections, and have all summer off. I was stretched as a person in a way I could have never imagined, and loved in a way that was also new and exhilarating.  Quinn was such a good and easy baby. She was happy, and made my new role in life easy, despite all the medical complications. 

I would never want to go through all that again (and would never want to see another child suffer like that), but it was my reality, and it was actually manageable.  I feel ok with the fact that my introduction to motherhood was dramatic and anything but normal. 

Third B:  Breastfeeding

During pregnancy:  I figured I  would breastfeed for at least one year, but more likely 18 months to two years. I knew that breastfeeding was the most healthy option for mom and baby, and also the most cost efficient.

As a mom:  The NICU was very pro-breast milk, not so much pro-breast feeding.  I exclusively pumped for months, and received little support from the lactation team at the hospital.  When it came time to get to actually nurse Quinn, they were always watching, interfering, and trying to make it about numbers and weight. As Quinn's resistance to the bottle grew, the less I actually got to breast feed.  It was frustrating, and got in the way of the good thing we had going.

When Quinn got home, concerns we being raised about her weight gain, and my breast feeding was further limited, until I was encouraged to go back to exclusive pumping right as my maternity leave was ending.  I just couldn't do it.   I had about two and half months of breast milk stored, and Quinn continued to receive that, mixed with formula (for calories) until she was ten months old. 

And while I know why I made the choice to stop nursing/pumping, I have never really come to terms with it.  I guess because breastfeeding was so important to me, and I knew breast milk was so important to Quinn.  And because, after months of not being able to hold her or care for her, it was the most normal and natural thing I got to do with my baby.  And because, it felt like other people's actions and opinions influenced me/practically forced (because I didn't want to do anything to hurt Quinn) into something that would have never been my choice.  I just really wish I would have stuck to my guns, and nursed Quinn for at least the first year of her life. 

It is funny.  If you would have asked the pregnant me, what would be worse- this being your only pregnancy, or not breastfeeding for year?  I would have answered, one pregnancy.  But the answer now is the opposite.  It has been the hardest thing of the three B's to face a different outcome than the one I predicted.  Life is funny that way. 

2011 Year in Review

This year was relatively quiet compared to last year, which is fine by us.  We made a ton of good memories, and it has been so fun to watch Quinn learn and grow.  She has changed from a little baby to a toddler in 12 months... it is so cool!   It is amazing how much we all love that little girl.  She is bright, silly, and fun.  She is the center of our world, and we wouldn't have it any other way.  We will always remember 2011 fondly, and with great gratitude for all the exciting things we got to do with our healthy little Quinn.  

January: Quinn weaned off oxygen during the day.  She became stronger and more playful.  We did lots of fun activities inside, despite being on house arrest. 

February:  We went on walks on nice days.  Quinn started rolling and sitting.  She left the house to get her photos taken. Dalan had a birthday.

March:  Tubie went in, and we could see Quinn's face without her NG tube all the time. We celebrated St. Patrick's Day, and Quinn went pantless a lot of the time. 

April:  Tubie came out, and her button went in.  She started crawling, and calling her binkie her, "guy-guy."  We got off house arrest and got to visit with friends, and go to the farm and the zoo!  The Easter Bunny came!

May:  Quinn turned one!!!!  We were one of the top family fundraising teams in Utah for the March of Dimes!  We went on more outings, and we said good bye to the oxygen tanks completely.  

June:  I am on summer vacation and celebrate my 32nd birthday!  Quinn hangs out in her diaper while at home, and we get to go on even more outings!

July:  We start doing more and more activities, like the aquarium, Lagoon, parades, fairs, planetarium, etc..  We celebrate the 4th of July.  Quinn starts standing on her own!

August:  We went to San Fransisco, and Quinn goes on her first plane, boat, and train.  We go on lots of activities.  Quinn gets her first ear infections.  I go back to work.  We find out VaRonica and Nathan are having a baby!  We celebrate Quinn's Due Date Day!

September:  More activities, like the zoo and Oktoberfest.  Quinn and Odessa are blessed by the Reverend Nghia.  Quinn starts walking.

October:  We celebrate Halloween, and go on fall activities.  We enjoy the nice weather.  We go on drives.  Dalan and I celebrate our 3rd wedding anniversary. We cheer on the Utes!

November:  It gets colder, and our activities slow down.  Quinn turns 18 months old.  We celebrate Thanksgiving. 

December:  Christmas time!  Quinn meets Santa.  Quinn hosts a party.  Dalan and I get ready for all the Christmas festivities.  Raul causes mischief.  Santa comes!  Time with spent with family.

Happy New Year!!!!!!

Half Birthday! (aka 18 months old)

Dear Quinn,

As of tomorrow you will closer to two years old than to one year old. I am sitting here, asking myself how did that happen? How is it possible that our tiny little 440 gram baby is a year and a half year old? Mind boggling. And amazing! And a little sad! And a lot wonderful!



Dad and I have decided that you have two alter egos. The first is the preemie princess. She is sweet, girlie, loves to give kisses and hugs, and is full of sugar and spice. The other is Quinn the Destroyer. She is bold, wild, opinionated, and knocks down everything in her path. I think each of these parts of your personality have and will get you far in life. Don't ever lose them.

Quinn, as an 18 month old, is.....

....an exclusive walker and runner. (It is a blessing and a curse.)

....a jabber box and mimicker. (You are using language more and more effectively. You say Dada, Mama, Piper, Bye Bye, Bath, Ball, No, Yes, Google, Coco, Go, Hey, Me, guy-guy Papa, Nana, WaWa (Water), among a bunch of other things.)

....a pointer and a doer. (You know your hair, nose, mouth, belly, and chompers. You can clap, and wiggle your fingers, wave, etc)

.....an animal lover. (You know the pig, sheep, tiger, owl, camel, snake, monkey, elephant, and fish sounds.)



....a toy player. (You love babies, dogs, blocks, your bike, amongst a bunch of other things)



.....a book reader. (You could look through books for hours.)

.....a better eater than ever. (You love yogurt, and meat.)

....a horrible sleeper, unless in bed with mom and dad. (You are a bed hog)

.... a youtube video watcher. (Will youtube even be around by the time you can read these on your own? Probably not.)



....a binkie girl. (i dread having to take it away.)

....a signer. (more, all gone, please, and thank you.)

....a mover. You never sit still. (Seriously never.)

.....a dancer. (You dance to commercials or anything with music.)

....a silly goose. (You will do anything for a laugh.)



....a giggler. (Sweetest things ever and totally contagious.)

....a problem-solver. (You figure out things that AMAZE us.)

.....a thinker. (You even tap your forehead when we say think, think, think.)

....beautifully petite with blue eyes and dark blonde hair. (See pictures)

....impossible to get a clear picture of (See pictures.)



....friendly, loving and sweet. (You give the best hugs and kisses!)

....curious. (You are always finding new things to get into and will usually try anything at least once.)



.....nuts. (Sometimes you are the wildest and craziest baby I have ever met!)

Happy Half Birthday! (These are a big deal around here....we celebrate as many birthdays as we can a year!) We love you so much! We think you are practically perfect, and are so excited that you have reached the very important age of 18 months!

loves!

Mama and Dada

Halloween Flashback: 1986

Halloween, 1986

Cole and me in the classic Carlson pose- sitting (or standing) behind freshly carved pumpkins.

Jessi, the witch and Cole, the vampire.

Halloween Flashback: 1982

Halloween, 1982

Carving Pumpkins. I am 3 years old, Cole is 5 months old. Things to note, Cole has stopped his swing from swinging by grabbing the bar. Classic Cole move.


My Nana carving pumpkins.


Halloween night. I am Raggedy Ann, Bret is a vampire, and Joel is out of costume. I believe that
is my dad in the gorilla mask.


At my grandparents' house with our pumpkins. Bret and I are holding the 1982 babies, Cole and Corey. Joel is showing off his Halloween excitement.


Halloween night. I am showing off my early math skills by sorting and classifying my Halloween candy. Cole is trying to sneak some. (Dalan also pointed out that I am smiling the same way Ali does when she has had too many adult beverages.)

Halloween Flashback: 1981

Halloween 1981

Jessi (age 2): The Witch, Cousin Bret: The Vampire, and Cousin Joel: The Clown


Dad and Jessi

October 1: Homecoming

October 1, 2010 is one of the most memorable days of my life. It is up there with my wedding day and Quinn's birth, because it is the day Quinn came home from the NICU after a long 4 and a half months. I remember sitting and waiting and hoping that we would get our walking papers, and get to take our beautiful baby home. It was such an exciting and emotional day. We got her home, and then our little wild one did not sleep the entire night!

This year we got to take Quinn to her first University of Utah football, which happened to be the homecoming game. Very appropriate! Quinn did ok. She is just to wiggly and active to be stuck in a row of people for hours. What an incredible year it has been!

Remembering Mama Nguyen

Kathy Cuc Nguyen

1953 ~ 2011
Kathy Cuc Nguyen passed away peacefully at her home on September 26, 2011 after a long struggle with cancer. She was surrounded by her beloved family as her soul left this earth. Kathy was born in Da Nang, Vietnam on April 21, 1953, the first child born to Be Tran and Phat Huynh. She relocated to Utah in 1979 with her husband and two young children.
She was a loving and caring grandmother, mother, wife and sister. Kathy Cuc Nguyen was named after the chrysanthemum flower and was always in full bloom when surrounded by her children and siblings. She loved big family gatherings and traveling. She always made sacrifices for her family and did her best to help others. Kathy contributed to an orphanage in her hometown of Da Nang and intended to contribute to orphanages in more rural parts of Vietnam before her health issues made it impossible for her to travel. Her children intend to fulfill her wish and contribute to an orphanage.
She is survived by her husband, Ngu Nguyen; her four children Hanhngan (Tuan), Nghia , Hanhnga and Hanhnghi (Frank); her three grandchildren MaiLien, Matthew and MaiKaylee; her ten siblings, Lanh, Ty, Dzung, Giang Nhat, Hue, Phuong, Hoa, Huu, Ngoc Hoa and Hai; and her parents Phat Huynh and Be Tran.
A viewing will be held from 4-6 PM on Friday, September 30, 2011 at Redwood Memorial 6500 S. Redwood Road. A funeral service will be held at the same location at 11 AM on Saturday, October 1, 2011 with a ceremony at 9:30 AM for family and friends.
Online condolences may be left at www.memorialutah.com.

Attitude of Gratitude

The last 17 months have been hard. It is not easy to have a new baby, and it is especially not easy to have a new baby who has a whole slew of medical and extra needs. However, even though it has been hard, we have made it. We are thriving and striving as a family, and Quinn is a perfect little toddler (who still has some extra needs...but is perfect, none the less.) And the reason we are in such good shape is because of our family, friends, and the community. We would not be here without you all, and I don't know if I say it enough, but thank you and we are forever grateful for all the support we have received.

We have received support in so many ways, and I will never be able to repay everyone who helped us get to this point, but I do hope people know that I think about it everyday and I am so appreciative.

I want to say thank you to everyone who prayed, sent vibes, and thought of Quinn when she was so small and in need of so much love.

I want to say thank you to the nurses and doctors who saved her life.

I want to say thank you to everyone who respected our need for space and healing right after Quinn was born.

I want to say thank you for every kind text, email, card, voice mail, and phone call we received.

I want to say thank you to everyone who let me complain, cry, or share my joy with them.

I want to say thank you to everyone who watches Quinn (our parents and siblings) while we are at work.

I want to say thank you to everyone who brought us dinner. I want to say thank you to everyone who has given Quinn a gift.

I want to say thank you for everyone who contributed to Quinn's March of Dimes team, walked with us, and came to her party.

I want to thank everyone who was patient and understanding with our time of house arrest, and helped us keep Quinn so healthy.

I want to say thank you to everyone who cleaned our house, and helped put together our nursery. And thank you for all those offers to clean our house.

I want to say thank you to everyone who has given us pictures of Quinn.

I want to say thank you to everyone who continues to love and be a champion of Quinn.

We are really so grateful, and appreciative and lucky. Thank you!

In addition, I am especially grateful for Dalan. Kind, loving, and patient Dalan. This journey has been crazy, but I literally would not have survived without him. Thank you for being you...a fabulous husband, dad, and friend.

Blessings for Two!

I decided when I was pregnant with Quinn that I wanted Nghia to do some sort of blessing ceremony once the baby was born. Well, then Quinn was born early, was in the hospital for four and a half months, and then couldn't be around crowds for another six months. And I kinda forgot about it. Then, at Marie's wedding, Sierra asked me if I would be interested in having Nghia do a double blessing for both Quinn and Odessa. I was so excited. We picked a date, assigned tasks, and the blessing was off and running. This seriously was one of the easiest parties I have ever helped plan.

We held it on September 11 in Milcreek Canyon. We invited about 35 of our friends and family, and Nghia wrote a beautiful blessing ceremony for the girls. The ceremony included quotes from Bob Dylan, Louie Armstrong, and Lynyrd Synyrd. It also included a Vietnamese tradition in which the babies got to chose an item that symbolized their destiny. Quinn chose a flower pot, which represented a love and respect of nature. And Odessa chose an apple, which represented good health.





I would like to say Quinn was mellow and well-behaved during the ceremony, but she was a wild woman. Every other child was behaving, but not Quinn. She was whining, waving, and insisted on crawling. It was funny, there was a line in the ceremony about parents letting go of the children and letting them go into the world, and as Nghia read those lines, off went Quinn.



Speaking of other children, I have to say Becca, Hilary, and Sierra (and me) have some of the cutest, most charming children I have ever met. They are fabulous! Quinn is so lucky to have so many awesome friends already!






*I did not get any photos during the entire event, all of the photos I stole from Hilary and Shelly! Thanks ladies!