The Three B's

Last night, I was texting back and forth with VaRonica about the three B's- birth, babies, and breastfeeding-since she is due in the middle of March, which is right around the corner, people. I am going to be an aunt in less than two months!  We are really excited about a new baby around here. 

Our conversation really got me thinking about Quinn's birth, and my experiences with her and the three B's, both as a pregnant woman, and a mom.

(Disclaimer:  we weren't actually calling them the three B's last night, it is just something clever I came up with right now to give my post a theme.)

First B:  Birth

During pregnancy:  I had planned to have an unmedicated, vaginal birth.  Then, things went very badly, very quickly.  I love that the Resident that delivered me gave me the option to still deliver Quinn the way I had wanted and planned, but warned that it was unlikely that the baby would not tolerate labor, and that a c-section was the best way to go.  And even though, I never imagined in a million years that I would have c-section, I knew it was the medically sound choice.  

As a mom:  I mourned the loss of a "normal" birth and pregnancy.  I was sad that I never went into labor and got big and pregnant, but for the most part, never looked back.  I also had to mourn the loss of future pregnancy and babies, but again, it felt like the right choice. 

Second B:  Babies

During pregnancy:  I pictured myself having a big nine or ten pound baby.  I avoided buying newborn sized clothes.  I worried about being due at the same time as the school year starting, and tried to make decisions about my maternity leave.

As a mom:  I had a one pound baby, that did not even fit into preemie sized clothes.  I got to split my maternity leave into two sections, and have all summer off. I was stretched as a person in a way I could have never imagined, and loved in a way that was also new and exhilarating.  Quinn was such a good and easy baby. She was happy, and made my new role in life easy, despite all the medical complications. 

I would never want to go through all that again (and would never want to see another child suffer like that), but it was my reality, and it was actually manageable.  I feel ok with the fact that my introduction to motherhood was dramatic and anything but normal. 

Third B:  Breastfeeding

During pregnancy:  I figured I  would breastfeed for at least one year, but more likely 18 months to two years. I knew that breastfeeding was the most healthy option for mom and baby, and also the most cost efficient.

As a mom:  The NICU was very pro-breast milk, not so much pro-breast feeding.  I exclusively pumped for months, and received little support from the lactation team at the hospital.  When it came time to get to actually nurse Quinn, they were always watching, interfering, and trying to make it about numbers and weight. As Quinn's resistance to the bottle grew, the less I actually got to breast feed.  It was frustrating, and got in the way of the good thing we had going.

When Quinn got home, concerns we being raised about her weight gain, and my breast feeding was further limited, until I was encouraged to go back to exclusive pumping right as my maternity leave was ending.  I just couldn't do it.   I had about two and half months of breast milk stored, and Quinn continued to receive that, mixed with formula (for calories) until she was ten months old. 

And while I know why I made the choice to stop nursing/pumping, I have never really come to terms with it.  I guess because breastfeeding was so important to me, and I knew breast milk was so important to Quinn.  And because, after months of not being able to hold her or care for her, it was the most normal and natural thing I got to do with my baby.  And because, it felt like other people's actions and opinions influenced me/practically forced (because I didn't want to do anything to hurt Quinn) into something that would have never been my choice.  I just really wish I would have stuck to my guns, and nursed Quinn for at least the first year of her life. 

It is funny.  If you would have asked the pregnant me, what would be worse- this being your only pregnancy, or not breastfeeding for year?  I would have answered, one pregnancy.  But the answer now is the opposite.  It has been the hardest thing of the three B's to face a different outcome than the one I predicted.  Life is funny that way. 

48

In the last 48 hours....

Quinn got ahold of an empty laundry soap bottle, and tasted it.

I called the on call doctor. No worries.

Quinn dunked her toothbrush in the dog bowl.

Quinn repeated letter names correctly from the Wheel of Fortune.

Quinn bailed water out of the toilet using her shoe.

When busted, she repeatedly said, "shoe waaa waaa."

She later repeatedly said, "shoe bye bye.".

My dad turned 59.

Quinn ate peas for dinner, and we added too much butter, she was a greasy little monkey by the end of the meal.

Piper has her first seizure in almost four years.

Quinn undressed herself, but couldn't get her diaper off.

Quinn bit my leg and left a mark.

Whew! I am tired.

Quinnie and Minnie

More silliness

Quinn is at such a fun age. (20.5 months/17 months). She is silly, fun, and carefree. She learns a new word a day, it seems. She is always copying and trying new things. She loves to explore and be adventurous. It can be exhausting, but I am loving this age, even though it includes some temper tantrums!

Waves and curls

People often ask me where Quinn's curls come from, and the answer is, "me." However, I think all the years of blow drying and straightening/pulling back my hair have confused people. But yes, I have naturally wavy hair. I had little curls and ringlets when I was little too. The longer it gets, the more the curls turn into waves.

I let my hair just dry naturally today. You can see the waves. I don't often let it just dry, because it can be hard to control. Sometimes it gets frizzy, and sometimes it looks like it needs to be brushed all day long, and sometimes it turns out ok.

I compared it to a picture of Quinn's Day 2 or 3 hair. We get the most curls out of Quinn when her hair has just been washed, and waves as it time goes on.

Peaceful

She is a Nut

Here is some photographic evidence of Quinn's nuttiness. The photos always upload in a strange order from my phone, but here is the what they are about in no particular order.

Drinking "coca coca." She calls all drinks in cans coca coca as in coca cola. She has never actually had a soft drink, but she loves to pretend.

She also has taken to solid food. She loves veggies, beans, meats, and sweets. She may have gotten a little frosting on her face while sharing a cupcake with Dalan.

Quinn does not like dogs, babies, or stuffed animals in clothes right now. It makes her angry.

She does like to play games and hide.

She also likes to suck her toe, and call it her guy-guy. Even in the dark. When she is suppose to be sleeping. Thanks Ali for teaching her that one.